Adulting is Hard, Adulting is Good

I felt like I was a pretty sensible teenager and that I kept my angst to a tolerable level. I doubt that anyone that knew me in middle and high school would agree with that, but I felt like I was reasonably well-adjusted.

Any leftover angst that I didn't use throughout my teenage years manifested itself today when I got laid off from my job.

Yep. You read that right. Laid off.

I should say right here that I was very blessed to have that job at all. It enabled me to finish my degree, have really excellent health benefits, etc. Not to mention the fact that I really love a lot of the people in the Lunar and Planetary Lab. They're so great.

But things are less great when two people you really like have to break the news to you that you're out. It was never the place I thought I'd settle and stay for the remainder of my working life, but it was a steady paycheck and a generally good place.

I should also say that getting laid off is a pretty common thing in the modern world, but I just felt really secure there. I felt like I belonged and that I was contributing. And I was! But budgets are budgets, and that's beyond my control. I am now part of that percentage of Americans that have been let go because of the economy. I'm a statistic, and I hate being part of a statistic that isn't happy.

Cue angst.

And like I've said before: life is an emotional rollercoaster sometimes. Today was definitely no exception.

This has been my reaction to all things in life over the last little while:

So I'm facing this weird setback that I never would have anticipated, and I have to come to grips with the fact that my perfect plan for the next one to two years of my life are definitely not going to pan out quite as I had imagined. But I've already felt a few distinct things over the course of the last 11 hours since I found out I was getting the axe.

These things are not new revelations, but rather incidental reminders that even though being an adult is hard and sometimes really dumb, adulting is also great in a lot of ways. 

The good things I've felt:

I'm already grateful for how uncomfortable this new period of unemployment is going to make me. I positively hate trying to sell myself during the job application process. Self reflection can be a major wench, but I hope that any disappointment that I experience while I look for a a job will drive me to improve my self and help me better understand what I'm really looking for in a career. Easier said than done, but I think there is a lot of personal growth that can happen in this new phase of life.

I'm also grateful for good friends. My lovely friend Jenna sent me a message today. We hadn't talked in a few days, so I was excited to hear from her. I was actually on my way to a date when I got her message, and I was really sad I wasn't able to continue our conversation. Here's what we talked about:

Snark that doesn't require emojis to soften a zinger is the best kind. It means you're kindred spirits.

But seriously, the five messages we exchanged today reminded me that I'm not alone in this. Yeah, Jenna can't just make a perfect job appear out of thin air for me, but she can be funny and great and be an awesome friend to me right now, even though she won't know about my predicament until she reads this. (Hi, Jenna!)

I'm also grateful for the elders in my ward. I went to a lesson with them yesterday and felt the Spirit really strongly. I was really happy to share my experiences with the recent convert and nonmember we were visiting, and I am strengthened by the missionaries' example as righteous and diligent servants of the Lord. I also went with them today. No one was home, which was really sad, but their friendship was really appreciated after I left work in such a terrible mood, and I remembered the Spirit that I felt yesterday. That spiritual experience has already proven important for me to remember God's love and that He knows and pays attention to me.

Elder Call and Elder Smith are champs.

And ultimately, I'm just grateful for a loving Father in Heaven. I prayed that I would be calm and kind while I was with the missionaries so that I could be helpful and not hurtful while we shared messages with those we were scheduled to meet with. The transition from frustration about work to an eagerness to assist the elders was so fast. I also prayed that I wouldn't get bogged down in my new job situation during my date. And while the date wasn't magic, I was able to be distracted enough to have a nice time with great people. Those things didn't just happen coincidentally.

Being a big kid requires a lot of responsibility that isn't very fun. But at the same time, "all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good," (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7). And if we can change our attitudes and perspectives on the hard stuff to let it shape us into better, wiser, more compassionate people, it's actually pretty great to make those positive changes and come into your own a little more as an adult.

I feel like everyday I have an existential crisis. What am I doing with my life? How can I know what the right job is and where to find it? Will I be alone forever? 

Those questions tear at your heart and make adulting hard. But I'm coming to understand that adulting is good too, for all the other ways it pushes me to be more than I was before.