Simple Questions and Big Feelings
It’s not uncommon for there to be lulls in conversation during my sessions with my therapist. Sometimes they feel like a bit of a standoff to see who will fill the void first; those are the days that I’m not feeling as introspective, or our previous conversation hasn’t sparked much for me to sort through. But other times the quiet helps me make some sense of what I’m feeling (or reel from being confronted with something I don’t know how to make sense of) and then decide what to jump into next.
This week there was one of these pauses, and I’ll admit that I didn’t feel like I was really working through much. But I wanted to wait out the break to make the doc determine the direction we would go. It’s a tricky game of chicken because he will either ask me, “What are you thinking about?”, and that doesn’t always work on a day I don’t have much bouncing around my brain, or he’ll ask me a question that cuts right through me. It feels like there’s absolutely no in-between. This week he leaned into the latter.
“Are you happy?” he asked.
I wouldn’t say I was stunned, necessarily. That’s probably too strong of a word. But a bit taken aback, because it seems simple but is actually a useful thing to inventory. We are all (probably) operating in our own self/best interest most of the time, looking for the life that most suits us. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that I chase what is good for me, not only from practical standpoints, but also from emotional ones too. But the value in the question was cementing the truth that, by and large, I am happy.
There’s always an asterisk or two attached to the answer, certainly. I’m so fortunate that the footnote to my “yes” reply is that, sure, I’d change a number of things about my life to make it different in ways that I think would make me even happier than I am, but in the face of those things that I want or miss or need to change, things are really solid for me.
Shaley Sato Curtis is someone I met in my ward three-ish years ago. I’ll say that my first impression of her wasn’t the strongest (that first encounter was incredibly on-brand for her, I just wasn’t recognizing her goodness properly until I got to know her more). She was the Relief Society president when I was called to be the Elders Quorum president. We started working together, and that’s what it took for the stars to align for us.
I literally have no memory of the first time we hung out socially instead of in a church capacity. I have zero idea how we made the shift from acquaintances to close friends. All I know is that the year we spent working together is a year of my life that was so hard in pretty much every way, and Shaley was an absolute light through it all. (No really—I became depressed, I broke my ankle, I was finishing grad school, I applied to and got a new job, and my calling was a lot for me. It was a year.)
We did so much together in the trenches of our ward, including worrying about people, making visits, planning temple trips, and training a new bishopric. But outside of that, we went to concerts and sang at the top of our lungs, traveled to Mexico, played so many games, carpooled while I was on crutches, swiped on each other’s Mutual profiles, and debriefed later about first dates. She taught me so much through her devoted service and her fierce loyalty as a friend.
When I was released as the Elders Quorum president, the stake president said that one of the great strengths of my service in that capacity was my connection and collaboration with Shaley. I absolutely agree, because she was carrying so much of me that year.
Shaley is married now, with a precious daughter. She just moved to the east coast, where she is starting an incredible new adventure. She is happy, and I am so thrilled that we are still friends.
After therapy I was driving to a friend’s house, and the realization that Shaley lives across the country hit me properly for the first time. I started thinking about all of our shenanigans. I laughed about so many things we’d shared together, and felt a twinge of sadness that we’re in a new phase of life and friendship. But very quickly I connected my therapist’s question about happiness to her. And when I realized that so much of the goodness in my life can be attributed to the people I know, I became really emotional.
I am so fortunate to be loved by Shaley in the very specific way that she shows love to me. I was floored to think about all of the people that give of themselves to help me, to laugh with me, and are figuring things out alongside me.
So this is my ode, not just to the homies, but to Shaley, and to the many people that exhibit the same love and loyalty to me that she does in their individual ways. It was manifested again to me yesterday by the many people that came to celebrate my birthday. It wasn’t an ego thing that made the night great, it was seeing so many important people that have changed my life all in one place.
“Are you happy?” he asked.
I wouldn’t say I was stunned, necessarily. That’s probably too strong of a word. But a bit taken aback, because it seems simple but is actually a useful thing to inventory. We are all (probably) operating in our own self/best interest most of the time, looking for the life that most suits us. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that I chase what is good for me, not only from practical standpoints, but also from emotional ones too. But the value in the question was cementing the truth that, by and large, I am happy.
There’s always an asterisk or two attached to the answer, certainly. I’m so fortunate that the footnote to my “yes” reply is that, sure, I’d change a number of things about my life to make it different in ways that I think would make me even happier than I am, but in the face of those things that I want or miss or need to change, things are really solid for me.
::
Shaley Sato Curtis is someone I met in my ward three-ish years ago. I’ll say that my first impression of her wasn’t the strongest (that first encounter was incredibly on-brand for her, I just wasn’t recognizing her goodness properly until I got to know her more). She was the Relief Society president when I was called to be the Elders Quorum president. We started working together, and that’s what it took for the stars to align for us.
 |
| Don't ask me why we're both wearing the same scarf. I truly don't know. |
I literally have no memory of the first time we hung out socially instead of in a church capacity. I have zero idea how we made the shift from acquaintances to close friends. All I know is that the year we spent working together is a year of my life that was so hard in pretty much every way, and Shaley was an absolute light through it all. (No really—I became depressed, I broke my ankle, I was finishing grad school, I applied to and got a new job, and my calling was a lot for me. It was a year.)
We did so much together in the trenches of our ward, including worrying about people, making visits, planning temple trips, and training a new bishopric. But outside of that, we went to concerts and sang at the top of our lungs, traveled to Mexico, played so many games, carpooled while I was on crutches, swiped on each other’s Mutual profiles, and debriefed later about first dates. She taught me so much through her devoted service and her fierce loyalty as a friend.
When I was released as the Elders Quorum president, the stake president said that one of the great strengths of my service in that capacity was my connection and collaboration with Shaley. I absolutely agree, because she was carrying so much of me that year.
Shaley is married now, with a precious daughter. She just moved to the east coast, where she is starting an incredible new adventure. She is happy, and I am so thrilled that we are still friends.
::
After therapy I was driving to a friend’s house, and the realization that Shaley lives across the country hit me properly for the first time. I started thinking about all of our shenanigans. I laughed about so many things we’d shared together, and felt a twinge of sadness that we’re in a new phase of life and friendship. But very quickly I connected my therapist’s question about happiness to her. And when I realized that so much of the goodness in my life can be attributed to the people I know, I became really emotional.
I am so fortunate to be loved by Shaley in the very specific way that she shows love to me. I was floored to think about all of the people that give of themselves to help me, to laugh with me, and are figuring things out alongside me.
So this is my ode, not just to the homies, but to Shaley, and to the many people that exhibit the same love and loyalty to me that she does in their individual ways. It was manifested again to me yesterday by the many people that came to celebrate my birthday. It wasn’t an ego thing that made the night great, it was seeing so many important people that have changed my life all in one place.
There hadn't been much doubt, but I feel it more strongly now: I am happy.
 |
| This photo was taken during one of the best weekends of my life, and I'm so glad Shaley (bottom left) was part of it. |
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