It's Hitting Me

I've had a few long talks with friends and family lately about the decline in my mother's health. It's hard to see someone that taught me and supported me  be so bogged down by a terrible illness. It makes my heart hurt.

Tonight a thought came to my mind that hadn't really occurred to me previously -- what is going to happen if I am still living at home when my mother passes? I feel like my dad and I are going to feel so lost inside of this place without her. I've never known this place without her watchful eye.

But while that is so painful to think of my dad and I being lonely in this house, aching for her return, a sweet thought came to mind -- where she goes next will not be a painful place. She will be made whole because of the Savior's sacrifice. She will be reunited with her own mother, who she loved so much. It doesn't need to be as sad as we make it.

That attitude is hard to keep continually, but I try to soak it all in when it's here, because it's how I get through one day to the next. God's plan is real and perfect, even though it isn't making a lot of sense right now.

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