It's Bitter-Sweet
I cry when I least expect it. I was coming to the end of Mockingjay, a hopeless, gory and depressing book. It offers no sense of realism in any way shape or form. Katniss spent the whole book in a stupor, actively trying not to cope with everything going on in her life.
After months of denial and struggle, she comes to and decides to pick herself up and get on with life -- it's really the only viable option for anyone, anywhere. And that's where it started:
She began writing down the details of the people she loved dearly but had tragically lost in the war against the oppressive government: the details of a person's laugh, the color of her friend's eye, or the kindness of someone she had grown up with. All of a sudden she was human again, and it struck a chord.
I'm a detail-oriented person when it comes to personal interactions and relationships. As Katniss brought these details forward to prevent them from ever being forgotten, I thought about how much I do not want to have to do that for my mother once she's gone. I cried. I'm crying now. I just don't ever want to have to do that -- write the things she did or make sure to put down the things she said, because I don't want her to be gone. I don't ever want any memories to fade from my mind because she's been gone for so long.
I know she's still here. Who knows how long I have with her? It could be years! But in the event that it isn't, it's going to hurt so much to face the day that she isn't hear to laugh with me, to gossip about coworkers, or to tell me about how she needs a salsa fix.
After three heartless books, four pages of poignant reflection completely broke the walls I put up from the last time something really got me (a tragically good episode of Parenthood where Adam pleas to God to keep Kristina around longer after she gets sick during her chemo treatments. Note to self: no shows with anything about cancer, ever.) And even though my heart aches with the thought of losing my mother, I thought it was so important that what immediately came after the tender recollections of lost loved ones was this:
My thoughts were brought directly to the Savior, as they always seem to be directed lately. Katniss recognizes that Peeta brings that stability to her life, but I recognize that Jesus Christ is the one that truly calms the storms of our lives. It hurt to read these last few pages when, after acknowledging that Peeta brings the optimism and happiness to her life, that she'd have to try to instill things like this in her children, and try to continue replicating the success she's found at creating positivity in your life. She doesn't get at all how God plays into any of this (although in hindsight, I imagine the government repressed all religion many years ago, so she probably didn't even grasp the concept of God). Katniss was lost seeking purpose in her life when the gospel so clearly spells out what that is and how to get help when needed. She wandered aimlessly for so long with no one to help her. She didn't know that there were two people that love her unconditionally at her beck and call.
To those that don't already know:
The teachings of the Savior are what will make your life better. That's all there is to it. I can't describe how happy I am to feel the love and strength I feel so frequently because of what I've been taught about God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost, and to know that it will all be okay one day. Everyone lives a terminal life here on this planet. We don't like when the people we are closest to are taken a little prematurely, but the Savior's love dulls the pain of missing that person, and our understanding of all aspects of God's plan help us look forward to the future when we're all united together. We'll be all smiles. There'll be no pain. And even though she's right here with me still, I can't wait for the day that we are reunited as a family and that none of this will loom over her, over my dad, or over me and my siblings. I'm so thankful that I know about all of this. I'm not mad at God for any of this -- on the contrary, I'm more grateful than ever for the gospel and what it teaches us.
There are tough times ahead for me and for my family. But I've got the support system I need, I've got the perspective necessary to cope, and God is so good. Always so good.
After months of denial and struggle, she comes to and decides to pick herself up and get on with life -- it's really the only viable option for anyone, anywhere. And that's where it started:
She began writing down the details of the people she loved dearly but had tragically lost in the war against the oppressive government: the details of a person's laugh, the color of her friend's eye, or the kindness of someone she had grown up with. All of a sudden she was human again, and it struck a chord.
I'm a detail-oriented person when it comes to personal interactions and relationships. As Katniss brought these details forward to prevent them from ever being forgotten, I thought about how much I do not want to have to do that for my mother once she's gone. I cried. I'm crying now. I just don't ever want to have to do that -- write the things she did or make sure to put down the things she said, because I don't want her to be gone. I don't ever want any memories to fade from my mind because she's been gone for so long.
I know she's still here. Who knows how long I have with her? It could be years! But in the event that it isn't, it's going to hurt so much to face the day that she isn't hear to laugh with me, to gossip about coworkers, or to tell me about how she needs a salsa fix.
After three heartless books, four pages of poignant reflection completely broke the walls I put up from the last time something really got me (a tragically good episode of Parenthood where Adam pleas to God to keep Kristina around longer after she gets sick during her chemo treatments. Note to self: no shows with anything about cancer, ever.) And even though my heart aches with the thought of losing my mother, I thought it was so important that what immediately came after the tender recollections of lost loved ones was this:
What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promises that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again.
My thoughts were brought directly to the Savior, as they always seem to be directed lately. Katniss recognizes that Peeta brings that stability to her life, but I recognize that Jesus Christ is the one that truly calms the storms of our lives. It hurt to read these last few pages when, after acknowledging that Peeta brings the optimism and happiness to her life, that she'd have to try to instill things like this in her children, and try to continue replicating the success she's found at creating positivity in your life. She doesn't get at all how God plays into any of this (although in hindsight, I imagine the government repressed all religion many years ago, so she probably didn't even grasp the concept of God). Katniss was lost seeking purpose in her life when the gospel so clearly spells out what that is and how to get help when needed. She wandered aimlessly for so long with no one to help her. She didn't know that there were two people that love her unconditionally at her beck and call.
To those that don't already know:
The teachings of the Savior are what will make your life better. That's all there is to it. I can't describe how happy I am to feel the love and strength I feel so frequently because of what I've been taught about God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost, and to know that it will all be okay one day. Everyone lives a terminal life here on this planet. We don't like when the people we are closest to are taken a little prematurely, but the Savior's love dulls the pain of missing that person, and our understanding of all aspects of God's plan help us look forward to the future when we're all united together. We'll be all smiles. There'll be no pain. And even though she's right here with me still, I can't wait for the day that we are reunited as a family and that none of this will loom over her, over my dad, or over me and my siblings. I'm so thankful that I know about all of this. I'm not mad at God for any of this -- on the contrary, I'm more grateful than ever for the gospel and what it teaches us.
There are tough times ahead for me and for my family. But I've got the support system I need, I've got the perspective necessary to cope, and God is so good. Always so good.
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